A bully can turn a simple action like taking the school bus or getting changed for PE into an absolute nightmare for kids, leaving deep emotional scars and, in extreme situations, physical ones.  If your child is being bullied, then you will naturally want to do everything in your power to stop it, including involving the school authorities – if that’s where it is occurring – and teaching coping mechanisms to your child to lessen its damaging impact.  Even if bullying isn't an issue in your family right now, it's a good idea to discuss it so that your kids will be prepared should it ever happen.  We have consulted with the experts to bring you this overview of how you can help, as a parent, and have also included some tips for kids that you may want to pass on.

Let us begin by saying that it's important to take bullying seriously and not just brush it off with the advice to ‘toughen up and get a thicker skin’.  In certain cases, the effects can become very serious and affect your kid’s sense of safety and self-worth, which can lead to tragic outcomes if not addressed.

Most kids get teased by a sibling or a friend at some point, and it's usually not harmful when done in a playful and friendly way, and both kids find it amusing.  However, when teasing becomes hurtful, unkind, and frequent, it crosses the line into bullying and cannot be allowed to continue.  Bullying is defined as intentional tormenting in physical, verbal, or psychological ways.  It can present itself in myriad different ways, from hitting, shoving, name-calling, threats and mocking to extorting money and possessions. Some kids bully by snubbing and excluding others and spreading rumours about them. Others use social media or electronic messaging to taunt others or hurt their feelings – this comes under the heading of Cyberbullying, and warrants a separate article to follow, to discuss the particulars as it has become so pervasive in recent times.

Signs to look out for that your child is being bulled.

Unless your child tells you about bullying, or has visible physical markings, it can be hard to know if it's happening, so here are some of the potential warning signs:

• acting differently or seeming anxious
• not eating, not sleeping well, or not doing the things they usually enjoy
• seeming moodier or more easily upset than usual
• avoiding certain situations (like taking the bus to school)
• coming home with missing or damaged clothes
• complaining frequently of headaches and stomach aches.

If you suspect bullying but your child is reluctant to open up, find a way to gently bring up the issue, for example by relating any personal experiences you or someone you know had at that age.  Let them know that if they're being bullied or harassed — or see it happening to someone else — it's important to talk to someone about it, whether it's you or another responsible adult (e.g. a teacher or family friend), or even an older sibling. 

What can parents do?

There's no one-size-fits all approach, however the below offers a good place to start:

• Listen calmly and offer comfort and support. Kids can be reluctant to tell their parents about bullying because they worry that they will be upset or angry.  Sometimes they blame themselves, and are scared it will become worse if the bully finds out that they told.  Others are worried that their parents won't believe them or do anything about it, or will urge them to fight back when they're scared to.
• Praise your child for doing the right thing by talking to you about it.  Emphasize the difference between being a tattletale who is just trying to get someone in trouble and talking to an adult who can help with a genuine issue.
• Really listen to what they share and keep your own emotions in check.  You might feel angry or frustrated, but children don't need you to overreact, they simply need you to reassure and support them. They need to see you as stable and strong and able to help them in any situation.
• Remind your child that they're not alone.
• Explain that it's the bully who is at fault, not them.
• Discuss and practice safe, constructive ways your child can respond to a bully. For example, key phrases to say in a firm but not antagonistic tone, such as "That wasn't nice," or "Leave me alone."
• As tempting as it may be to advise them to fight back and stand their ground, especially for boys, it's important to advise them not to respond to bullying by fighting or bullying back, as it can quickly escalate into violence, trouble, and someone getting seriously hurt. Instead, advise them to walk away from the situation, hang out with friends, and tell an adult. 
• If it’s happening at school, which is often the case, let your child’s form teacher or principal know about the situation right away, so they can observe closely and take preventative steps as needed.
• It’s not advisable to speak to the bully’s parents, but rather let the school take the lead.  However, if a meeting with the other side’s family is deemed appropriate, it's a good idea to have a school representative present to mediate.

Experiencing bullying can damage a child's confidence, so to help rebuild it, encourage your kids to spend time with friends who have a positive influence.  Make it a nightly routine to talk with your kids about how their day went, the good and the bad.  Focus on developing their talents and interests in music, arts, athletics, reading, and after-school activities so your kids build relationships outside of school.

Advice for Kids

Below are some strategies and coping mechanisms that kids can employ to improve the situation:

• Avoid the bully and buddy up with a friend on the bus or at breaktime, wherever the bullying tends to happen. Offer to do the same for a friend.
• Try not to visibly react with anger or upset, as that's what bullies thrive on, to get a rise out of you. Strategies such counting to 10 or taking deep breaths can help. Beware of provoking the bully by nervously smiling or laughing, just keep a poker face.
• Firmly and clearly tell the bully to stop, then walk away, and try to ignore the hurtful remarks. If he or she doesn’t get a rise out of you, they will eventually get bored and move on.
• Tell an adult
• Talk about it with someone you trust. Even if they can't solve the problem, it may help you feel less alone.
• Always treat others with kindness, treating them the way you want to be treated. Try to stand up for other students who are bullied, and ask them to stand up for you.

We appreciate that this is a serious issue which requires much thought and discussion, but we hope that the above summary of some of the key considerations is a helpful starting off point.